Pathetic me , fml

I have a great determination to stop it , because i had promised her , but whenever i see peoples around me were having it , i would like to try it once again .. fml ..

I went to shah alam to meet up with her because she was having great headache and i was quite worry for her as she was pampered by her parents all these while , so i feel i have to do so thou she didnt wish me  travelling from P.j to Shah alam alone . I feel better after seeing her is just like normal and was nearly get rid from the headache .. When i was at seksyen 2 , people beside me was smoking , i was in absolute agony as i really to want it again , i wanted to buy it but i still remember what i had promised her lately and i had only rm 50 in my wallet and i have to survive it until tis friday ..Thanks to her because she help me to keep my atm card , aw !

When i was on my way back to P.J , i was damn freaking emo , was thinking when can i really leave it totally ? I feel guilty when i saw her disappoinment when i was with her having lunch in Sanga , i feel guilty when she told me " Future dentist smoking ? " , i feel guilty when kee scolding me , i feel guilty when Rodney said he wanna to slap me but i know he wont dare to do it , Lols ? And i was thinking , since when i changed so much ? I was to irritating when i saw ppls smoking last time but what happened to me right now ? Aiks ...

Yet i was thinking , the reason i touch that damn ciggar ? Yes , thanks to that bitch again , wth ? Just to make me can mix myself with her lifestyle , i bought it for the first time , i kept it for around 2 days as i don really dare to start it , whenever i touch it , my heart beat damn fast la wey , but after the palpitation persisted for fews days , i started it , haiz ... I know , i should put all the blame on her because she never force me to try it , but what i blaming was , i should not had know her at first ! I wish someone could help me to give her a damn fuck right now in front of me ..

Seriously , i want to have a new life , but to just to take care of my health , and also to keep my promise to her , i will never wish to make her disappointed again and cry on my shoulder again , it aches my heart .. So , i will allow everyone around me to slap me or kick my butt if u see me smoke again and i promise i will not scold u back or fight back with u :) But ,i will make sure that u guys don have the chance to do that on me  , Lols ...