Mummy's words

The clock is pointing at 3am right now . The night is so silents . Lying on the bed , trying to turn in , but seriously , tomorrow's paper is torturing me , it doesn't allow me to sleep , it is trying to pulling me out from the dream , I tried to understand them , I tried , I tried to be good with them , I tried to get close with them , I couldnt make it . Apparently , I am such a failure .

I've been staring at the ceiling for few hours , I am so stress , I don wanna to face the problems I have to face later , I hate the feeling of scratching my head during exam time . Srsly , I hate the feeling .

Few hours ago , mom called and I did told her the problems I am facing . She was worrying but then I realized actually she was not blaming on me . She advised me to have group discussion with classmate . But mom , later I will be sitting for the paper , they must be trying their very best to fight for the best , do you think I should distract them ? I cant do that , and I wouldnt do that .

She hang off , and called me the second time few minutes later , asking me to relax and try harder on the rest of the paper . It's ok if I fail psychology . Fail . I only failed in monthly test during high school . Can I face the the fact of failing in final exam ? Can I take the pressure of failing the paper ? I have no idea .

The very first time , I feel so helpless during the exam period . Seriously , it is the first time .

Waiting for the time to pass , I sent a message to her . It was around 1.20 am ? It was a message of apology to her .

And

My phone ring few minutes later . But it was not the call from her , but was a bless message , a message that made me feel guilty on myself . I am not a good son .

Message from her

去睡，可以继续读就好，读书是靠平时的用工，没有像你那么容易的，我还在做做下个礼拜开会的资料，明早要吃了才去考，不然你会饿死，考试尽力就好，其他科有有信心的就考好一点，拿长补短，要懂这个道理。加油~

So , as the children of the parents , once you received such message from the parents , how do you feel ? To me , I feel regret for not working real hard in this sem , as my friends told me , I am turning from worse to worst . From the sem one 4 pointer in 4 subjects , drop to 3.66 , and now ? I am just aiming for a pass for psychology . What I am doing ? I couldnt control my own emotion right now . Pillow just went wet when I read the message from her , the second time she didnt blame me for not doing well in exam . To her ,I had tried my best , but , to me ? I am the only party who know the true story of the whole drama .

I planned to give up , I wanted to give up , I do not want to stress up myself , but the message is just pushing me to move forward , I want to be a good son , I don want my result to disappoint my mom who has high expectation on her only son and I am not going to sleep tonight .

Prepare for the battle , never give up unless I am dead in the war . I have cock , but I don talk cock in serious matter . I want to be a better person , I want to be your good son . Thanks for not blaming me , I will do my best . Dentistry falcuty is waiting for me , they told me :D

p/s : Blogspot.com is just so lame , didnt allow me to show the exact time I post this , it is 3.52am , 21/12/2010 . 4 days before christmas . I want a wallet , anyone is willing to sponsor ? :D